Understanding Korea is Not Oxymoronic

"But, in the view of most reasonable observers, including mine, Korea's strangeness leads us more to incomprehensible than to interesting. (Interesting stirs the mind to study and enjoy the object of interest.) Incomprehensible encourages frustration and exasperation...Americans are easily lulled, by the numerous signs of Americanization or Westernization ― witness McDonald's, automobiles, high fashion, trips abroad ― to think that Koreans are or can be just like them. They are soon surprised and frustrated to discover that, at the core, Koreans are impenetrable and immune to change."
- taken from an editorial, which was originally brought to my attention by Evan Watters (who was shocked and disturbed by it).

This article overwhelms me with anger, especially the presumption that it is true "in the view of most reasonable observers." Admittedly, Korea has been difficult to get to know. Is there anything wrong with that? Sure, its inconvenient for foreigners, but who said every nation's culture must be easily definable to others? Should Korea be expected to compartmentalize and serve itself up like dinner on an airline?

I can sympathize with Korea, as I am often a hard person to get to know. This has been pointed out and discussed with me by my closest friends (after they got to know me, of course). It has been implied by my boyfriend, when he recognized that I'm more comfortable expressing myself through writing than speaking. Several of my coworkers, past and present, have mentioned it; sometimes indirectly ("you never come out with everybody") and other times very bluntly ("you should be yourself more at work") . It's even been observed by my best Korean girlfriend that I rarely talk to anyone I'm not close friends with unless I absolutely have to. When I tried to tell her, "I'm just shy," she wagged her finger at me. "No, no, no Kate. Not shy. If you need to talk with another person you can, but if you don't need, you don't want their. Not shy, Kate. Arrogant."

So which is it, really? Shy or arrogant? Honestly, it's probably a combination of both- and then some. I am definitely not comfortable around people I don't know well, especially in large groups. I'm a great listener, but I'd prefer that the other person do most of the talking, at least until I'm at ease.

When I'm relaxed I like to ponder great questions like, "What meaning can I attribute to me life?" and "Are people developing an innate belief that the world will someday end, and is that effecting how they live on a daily basis?" none of which, I feel, should be tackled in the fifteen minute break between classes at work. A real conversation can take hours, especially since I'm also given to be silly and sarcastic in the midst of being serious. Due to this, I tend to censor myself in situations where I feel that there isn't enough time to properly talk, or I'm worried the other person (or people) won't understand me (and will come away thinking I'm strange), or both. The best way to get to know me is talking one on one in a quiet place, however, such ideal circumstances aren't often presented by chance. In most cases, the other person had to decide they wanted me as a friend and then pursue my friendship by inviting me to hang out a few times. That's why my friends are usually outgoing and warm hearted- they had to be in order to cultivate my friendship.

A similar warm hearted and outgoing approach is necessary for getting to know Korea. In my experience, many foreigners tend to remain aloof, and treat their time here as separate from their "real life." With this attitude, they are never going to get any closer to the core of the culture. Simple immergence into Korean culture will not bring you understanding of it, just as staring at a painting in a museum will not give you an epiphany. You have to study the artist's life, the time period, and the progression of art in general in order to fully grasp a painting. In the same way, simply viewing Korean culture from the outside is not going to allow you to get beyond the surface. You have to interact with it; become part of it and let it become part of you.

I've managed to do this, to an extent, but not because I thought this out before hand and planned to. By a lucky accident, I happened to meet a Korean girl whose personality is aligned with mine. Although her English level remains low, I always understand her 100% and vice versa. We have attributed that to our similar thought process. When we're together we speak broken sentences, but the ideas we communicate are complex. She is simply one of my best friends, which is not as exclusive a club as it may sound.

All of my best friends (and I can think of at least 10 off hand) maintain a balance of being both non-judgmental and completely honest. They are people that are not phased by the things that I do. It isn't that they don't care, but they allow me to be myself completely. I could call any of them up at any time and say, "I just robbed a convenience store and now I feel guilty and scared," and none of them would freak out or be disappointed in me. They would just talk me through it in an honest, but caring way. This is the kind of friend I strive to be as well. Beneath my exterior, which some may perceive as difficult to penetrate, I desire complete openness with my friends. It may not be what people expect. (I hope) I offer those who do get close to me a valuable friendship, that is worth the initial effort.

Not seeing this, sometimes people subconsciously pass me by in favor of friendships that are easier to form. There are definitely many easier people to become friends with than me, so I appreciate the people who have put in the effort to become my friend. In a similar way, Koreans seem to appreciate the attempt a foreigner invests to learn their culture- especially if it is done warm heartedly and without judgement- clearly not the case for the writer of the above-quoted article. He is frustrated because he cannot intellectually comprehend Korea, but he is offering no emotional understanding of Korea in return.

I ask anyone reading this blog, especially those who have never been to Korea and to whom this is really going to be an introduction to Korean life, to try and readit in an accepting frame of mind.

Tae Guk il Jang: Shi-Jak! (Lesson one: Start!)

Did you ever do that experiment in kindergarten where you place a sheet of colored paper in the sun, with various objects on top of it? The paper fades, but retaines bright spots where a stone or a maple leaf had protected it from the light. In my mind, details grow similarly pale, unless I do something deliberate to anchor them.

I intend Seoul Kiss to be a blog where I can organize and retain my thoughts. Of course, Korea is my central focus, but I will also attempt to spring board into broader topics, such as what it means to live and love in a world where people are electronically connected, but seem so emotionally splintered. Also, through exploring Korean culture, I hope to make discoveries about my own cultural identity as an American.

Although writing and publishing novels is one of my dreams, presenting my thoughts publicly makes me feel vulnerable. Actually, I have had several blogs before, but they have always been disorganized and private, or at least, limited to a small number of select readers. This time, by linking my blog to facebook, I am actively inviting my family, my friends (both Western and Korean), my boyfriend, my ex-boyfriends, my coworkers, the girl I used to sit in the library with in jr high reading choose your own adventure books, the guy who always wore a top hat and saved his cat's bones after it died, etc. Its a little terrifying, but that makes me feel all the more strongly that it'll be worth it. Whoever you are, I'm glad you have become a part of this process. Welcome.

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